# How to Handle a Kissing Scene in an Audition or Self-Tape

> The sides end with "They kiss." What casting actually needs to see, how to play the moment without the kiss, how to tape it with a reader, and how to ask questions before a callback.

- URL: https://www.offbook.com/blog/kissing-scene-in-an-audition
- Published: 2026-10-30
- Last updated: 2026-10-30

The sides arrive on a Tuesday night, due back Thursday. It's a good scene: two people circling each other for a page and a half, saying everything except the thing they mean. Then you reach the bottom of page two, and the stage direction says *They kiss.*

Your reader is your roommate. Or your mom. Or a voice on a video call. And you're wondering whether casting expects you to actually do it, and what it looks like on tape if you don't.

The short version: in a first audition or a self-tape, you almost never kiss anyone. Industry guidelines in several countries say intimacy shouldn't be part of early auditions, and the usual stand-in is to lean in and turn your heads away from each other. What casting wants is everything before the kiss: the want, the hesitation, and the decision. Play that fully, mark the moment with a lean-in-and-turn and a held beat, and if you're unsure what casting expects, ask through your agent or the casting office before you go in.

## What casting actually needs to see

A kiss on the page is rarely the point of the scene. It's the end of a thought. Somebody has been wanting something for two pages, and the kiss is where they finally act on it, or give in, or get surprised. That build is what a casting director is watching.

So treat the kiss like any other action in the stage directions: a beat your character arrives at. The audition is about whether you can make that arrival feel inevitable. If the last ten seconds of the tape are a convincing approach and a held breath, nobody watching will wonder where the actual kiss went.

That's also why you don't need a partner you have chemistry with to tape this well. You need a clear **moment before**: what your character has just decided, and what it costs them to act on it.

## What the guidelines say about kissing in auditions

Rules differ by country and by union, and most of them were written about nudity and simulated sex rather than kissing. But the ones that mention kissing point the same way.

- **New Zealand.** Equity New Zealand's [intimacy guidelines for stage and screen](https://equity.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Equity-NZ-Intimacy-Guidelines_2020_v2.pdf) say kissing should never be required, proposed, or agreed to in a theater audition. For screen auditions, they say initial rounds involve no kissing (the one exception is a role where simulated sex is the entire role), and that where a screen audition scene involves intimacy, a non-contact action is substituted: to represent a kiss, the convention is to lean in and turn your heads away from each other.
- **Germany.** The casting directors' association Bundesverband Casting, in its ["Navigating Intimacy" guidelines](https://castingverband.de/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/EN_BVC-Navigating-intimacy-24.03.2023_neu.pdf), says performers have the right to refuse to kiss in an audition, and that intimate contact should never be requested in a self-tape or online audition.
- **International.** The International Casting Directors Alliance's [best-practice casting guidelines](https://the-icda.com/protocols/2020/icdn-best-practice-casting-guidelines-for-nudity-and-sexual-content/) say performers should never be asked to tape sexual acts, "kissing included," and that the same rules apply to self-tapes and online auditions.
- **The U.S. screen union.** SAG-AFTRA's [quick guide to scenes involving nudity and simulated sex](https://www.sagaftra.org/quick-guide-scenes-involving-nudity-and-simulated-sex-0) says simulated sex is prohibited at auditions, and its [member booklet on sex and nudity](https://www.sagaftra.org/sites/default/files/2024-12/Sex%20Nudity%20and%20You%20Member%20Booklet.pdf) covers the rest of those scenes. Neither one spells out how to handle a kiss at an audition, so if a kiss is in the sides, ask how casting wants it handled.

None of this means a director will never want to see two actors together at a later stage. It means that at the first audition, and on almost any self-tape, the safe and normal assumption is: play it, don't do it.

## Play everything up to the kiss

Here is the most famous kissing scene in the English language. Romeo and Juliet have just met at the Capulet party, and they talk their way into a kiss in fourteen lines of shared sonnet. This is the last stretch:

> ROMEO: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
>
> JULIET: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
>
> ROMEO: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do:
> They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
>
> JULIET: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.
>
> ROMEO: Then move not while my prayer’s effect I take.
> Thus from my lips, by thine my sin is purg’d.

Act I, Scene V, in the public-domain [Project Gutenberg text](https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1513). The stage direction *Kissing her* comes right after Romeo's last line.

Look at how much is happening before that stage direction. Romeo asks. Juliet deflects, but not very hard. Romeo pushes. Juliet says saints don't move, which is a yes disguised as a rule. Romeo's answer turns her rule into a request: then stand still while I kiss you. Every one of those lines is a small event, and every one plays on camera from the shoulders up.

That's the work. Find the line where your character decides, and the line where they're sure the other person has decided too. Those two moments are what make a kiss read as true on tape. The contact itself adds very little.

### When the kiss comes in the middle

Some scenes keep going after the kiss: someone pulls away, laughs, or says the thing they couldn't say before. Then the kiss is a pivot, and casting needs to see the after as much as the before. Mark the moment with your stand-in, hold it for a beat, and come out of it changed. The line after a kiss often tells you more about the character than anything before it.

## How to self-tape the moment

On a self-tape, the reader sits or stands just beside the camera, and they're usually not in the shot. So you're playing the kiss toward someone who isn't in frame. Here's a simple way to handle it.

1. Read the audition instructions first. If casting has said how they want the moment handled, do exactly that.
2. Play the approach in full: the look, the breath, the small move toward your reader's eyeline.
3. At the moment of contact, use the lean-in-and-turn convention: lean toward the reader's eyeline, then turn your head slightly away, as if your partner has done the same.
4. Hold the beat for a second or two. Let the audience see the thought land.
5. If there are lines after the kiss, come out of the beat and play them. If the scene ends on the kiss, hold, and end the take there.

Don't kiss the camera, your hand, or a pillow. It reads as a gag, and it pulls focus from the scene you just played. Equally, don't kiss your reader for the tape even if you're comfortable with them: the guidelines above say casting shouldn't ask for it, and a clean stand-in shows casting you know how these moments are handled professionally.

If you're taping alone, our guide on [how to self-tape alone](https://www.offbook.com/blog/how-to-self-tape-alone) covers recording the other lines and setting your eyeline. If a friend is reading, share [what makes a good self-tape reader](https://www.offbook.com/blog/how-to-be-a-good-self-tape-reader) with them first.

## In the room: readers, partners, and callbacks

In a live audition, the reader is usually someone from the casting office. Don't touch them, and don't move into their space for the kiss. If you couldn't ask ahead, a single plain question before you start is enough: "There's a kiss at the end. Would you like me to mark it?" Then play it with the same lean-in-and-turn, from wherever you're standing.

Some theater programs call this a **placeholder**. Utah Valley University's [theater intimacy policy](https://uvu.edu/theatre/docs/uvu_intimacy_policy_2021.pdf), for example, has actors use a placeholder such as a high-five in place of a kiss in rehearsals until an intimacy choreographer is present. For auditions, the same policy says intimate physical contact should never be required. The idea carries over: you mark the moment so the scene keeps its shape, and nobody has to negotiate contact on the spot.

### At a callback or chemistry read

Later rounds are where things can change, especially a [chemistry read](https://www.offbook.com/blog/what-is-a-chemistry-read) with another actor. Even then, the guidelines above expect you to know in advance. The ICDA suggests actors agree their boundaries in writing beforehand, and gives the example "I agree to closed-mouth kissing only." Bundesverband Casting says any alternative to a kiss should be agreed before the audition, not improvised in the room.

So if the callback notice mentions intimacy, or you're paired with another actor for a scene with a kiss, ask what the session will involve before the day. If a production has hired an intimacy coordinator, our guide to [working with an intimacy coordinator](https://www.offbook.com/blog/working-with-an-intimacy-coordinator) explains what that conversation usually covers once you're cast.

## How to ask without making it a big deal

Many actors worry that asking about a kiss will make them look difficult. It shouldn't. A clear, short question before the audition is ordinary professional communication, and it's much better than freezing in the room. Ask ahead by default; the in-room question is the fallback.

- **If you have an agent or manager,** ask them to check with the casting office: "The sides end with a kiss. How would casting like it handled on tape?"
- **If you're unrepresented,** reply to the audition email with the same one-line question. Keep it neutral and practical.
- **If you couldn't ask ahead,** ask the casting director in the room before you begin, as above.
- **If the answer is something you're not comfortable with,** say so plainly and offer the stand-in. Bundesverband Casting's guidelines say turning down sexual or nude scenes in an audition shouldn't affect your chances for the role.

You don't need to give a reason. "I'd prefer to mark it" is a complete sentence.

## Know the scene cold so you can play the moment

Everything above depends on one thing: the words have to be out of the way. A kiss moment lives in your eyes and your timing, and you can't find either while you're glancing down at page two. Aim to be off book for a self-tape. For a live read, know the scene well enough that the page is only a safety net.

Offbook makes that part quick. Upload the sides, pick your role, and realistic voices read every other character while Offbook listens through your microphone and plays the next cue when you finish your line. Hide your own lines for the later runs, so you're playing the approach from memory and listening to your partner instead of reading.

Video: [Hide your lines](https://www.offbook.com/learn/hide-your-lines) (1:07)

Run it enough times that the stand-in feels like part of the blocking, not an apology. Then the tape shows what casting wants: two people getting closer, one line at a time. For a classic two-hander to practice on, the [free run lines tool](https://www.offbook.com/tools/run-lines-online) and the [plays library](https://www.offbook.com/plays) both have scenes ready to run.

## Questions actors ask

### Do you have to kiss in an audition?

Almost never in a first audition. Equity New Zealand's guidelines say there's no kissing in a theater audition and none in initial screen auditions, and Bundesverband Casting says performers have the right to refuse a kiss. If you're unsure what a session expects, ask the casting office before you go in.

### How do you self-tape a kissing scene?

Play the build-up fully toward your reader's eyeline, then mark the kiss: lean in and turn your head slightly away, hold the beat, and either end the take or play the lines that follow. Follow any instructions casting gave first.

### Should I kiss my reader if we're comfortable with it?

No. The reader is usually off camera, so it adds nothing to the tape, and the ICDA's guidelines say performers should never be asked to tape kissing for an audition. A clean stand-in looks more professional.

### What if a callback asks for intimacy?

Find out what it involves before the day, through your agent or the casting office. The ICDA suggests agreeing your boundaries in writing, such as closed-mouth kissing only. On SAG-AFTRA projects, simulated sex is prohibited at auditions; for a kiss, ask what casting expects.