Aristophanes Scenes for Two Actors: The Birds, The Clouds, and Lysistrata

Your scene class just finished Greek tragedy, and the teacher says the next unit is Greek comedy: find a partner, find a duet, bring it in next week. You go looking and find essays about satire, a list of the eleven plays, and almost nothing that tells you where a two-person scene starts.

That’s odd, because Aristophanes is full of them. His comedies run on pairs: two fed-up Athenians lost in the wilderness, a desperate father and a son who won’t listen, a con artist of a teacher and the worst student in Athens. Strip out the chorus and the topical jokes and you have scenes that play beautifully in a classroom.

The short version: below are five two-person scenes from The Birds, The Clouds, and Lysistrata, all in the free Athenian Society translation on Project Gutenberg. Each comes with the setup, who plays whom, the first and last line, a short excerpt, about how long it runs, and the one thing that makes it funny. For solo pieces from the same plays, see our comedic monologues from Greek comedy.

Use the free translation, and count the minutes

Aristophanes wrote in Greek in the 400s B.C., but every English version is its own work. The U.S. Copyright Office’s Circular 14 lists translations among the common derivative works, which can carry their own copyright. So a recent verse translation may be protected, even though the play itself is not.

The one to use for free is the prose translation published by the Athenian Society. Project Gutenberg hosts it in two volumes: The Eleven Comedies, Volume 1 holds Lysistrata and The Clouds, and Volume 2 holds The Birds. Gutenberg marks both public domain in the USA, and the edition does not name its translator. Every excerpt below is copied from those two files, with the footnote numbers left out. Make sure you and your partner print the same edition, or your cues won’t match.

About the times: we counted the spoken words in each scene and divided by 140 words a minute. Quick comic exchanges may run faster than that, so time your own run. If you’re entering a festival, the International Thespian Excellence Awards acting rules define a duet as a performance for two players and say it must not exceed five minutes. Every scene here fits.

Play the want, not the joke

The Athenian Society’s own introduction to Volume 1 sums up each play in a line, and two of these three turn on a scheme. In The Birds (414 B.C.), Euelpides and Pisthetaerus, disgusted with Athens, build a new city in the kingdom of the birds. In The Clouds (423 B.C.), the target is Socrates and the “New Education,” and the scheme comes from Strepsiades, who wants to argue his way out of debt. In Lysistrata (411 B.C.), the women of Greece conspire to force the men to make peace.

That’s your way in. Each character wants something huge and absurd and pursues it with total seriousness. The audience laughs because the character doesn’t. If you play the scene “funny”, winking at the audience and leaning on the punchlines, it dies. If you play a man who truly needs to escape his debts, the jokes take care of themselves.

A few habits help with this kind of comedy. Pick up your cues fast, because the short exchanges are built like a tennis rally. Make every proper name you keep sound like something everyone knows. And cut the names nobody knows: a clause about a forgotten Athenian politician can usually go without hurting the line. Our guide to comedic timing for actors goes deeper on rhythm and the pause before a laugh.

The Birds: two scenes with a plan that keeps growing

The Birds gives you the easiest way into Aristophanes. Two Athenians have bought a jay and a crow to guide them to Tereus, a man who was turned into a bird, the Epops, and who might have seen, in his flights, a quiet country to settle in, away from the endless lawsuits of Athens. The birds are useless. Our breakdown of The Birds shows every role’s lines and scenes, so you can see how the parts are shared across the play.

Euelpides and Pisthetaerus: lost in the wilderness — any two actors

The play opens on the two friends stumbling over rocks, each talking to his bird. It starts on Euelpides’ Do you think I should walk straight for yon tree? and ends, before the hoopoe’s servant answers the door, on his Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops! Here is how it gets going:

PISTHETAERUS: To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made me cover more than a thousand furlongs!

EUELPIDES: And I to this jay, who has torn every nail from my fingers!

PISTHETAERUS: If only I knew where we were. . . .

EUELPIDES: Could you find your country again from here?

PISTHETAERUS: No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could Execestides find his.

EUELPIDES: Oh dear! oh dear!

Source: Aristophanes, The Birds, The Athenian Society translation (The Eleven Comedies, Volume 2, Project Gutenberg #8689).

It runs about four minutes, and the split is lopsided: Euelpides has roughly 420 words to Pisthetaerus’s 160, because Euelpides turns to the audience and explains why they left Athens. For a tighter scene of about three and a half minutes, cut that speech from Yes, spectators to law courts. Either part can be played by anyone; nothing in the scene depends on gender.

Play it as two tired friends who blame each other and their birds in turn. The crow and the jay can be imaginary, but give each a fixed place in the air so the audience believes in them. The bit where they bang on a rock and argue about whether to shout “slave” or “Epops” is pure physical comedy: let it build.

Pisthetaerus and Epops: the great plan — any two actors

Later, the two travelers have met the Epops, and he has been describing the easy life of the birds. Pisthetaerus suddenly sees how to rule the world. It starts on his Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer the supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice. and ends on My dear bird, lose no time, I beg. Fly at once into the coppice and awaken Procné. Euelpides has no lines in between, so it’s a true two-hander.

PISTHETAERUS: Found a city.

EPOPS: We birds? But what sort of city should we build?

PISTHETAERUS: Oh, really, really! ‘tis spoken like a fool! Look down.

EPOPS: I am looking.

PISTHETAERUS: Now look upwards.

EPOPS: I am looking.

Source: Aristophanes, The Birds, The Athenian Society translation (Project Gutenberg #8689).

It runs about three minutes. Pisthetaerus has about two-thirds of the words (around 275 to 140), so cast the bigger talker there. This is a sales pitch: he wants the hoopoe’s backing, and he needs to convince him before he talks himself out of it. Epops moves from doubt to delight; his line By earth! by snares! by network! is the turn, the moment he’s sold.

The “I am looking” volley is a gift. Give each repetition a new physical problem, until the twist of the neck makes the third instruction painful. One topical name, Teleas, comes up early in Pisthetaerus’s first speech; you can keep it, since the joke is clear without knowing who he was.

The Clouds: a father in debt, a son, and a philosopher

The Clouds centers on Strepsiades, a countryman who married a grand lady from the town and now lies awake over the debts his horse-mad son Phidippides has run up. His fix is to send someone to Socrates’ school, the “Thinking-Shop”, to learn the argument that wins any lawsuit. It gives you two strong duets, and Strepsiades is in both, so one actor can learn a big part across them.

Strepsiades and Phidippides: please go to school — two men, or a parent and child

After his sleepless opening, Strepsiades wakes his son as sweetly as he can. Start on his Phidippides! my little Phidippides! and end on the son’s parting shot, My uncle Megacles will not leave me without horses; I shall go to him and laugh at your anger.

STREPSIADES: Kiss me and give me your hand.

PHIDIPPIDES: There! What’s it all about?

STREPSIADES: Tell me! do you love me?

PHIDIPPIDES: By Posidon, the equestrian Posidon! yes, I swear I do.

STREPSIADES: Oh, do not, I pray you, invoke this god of horses; ‘tis he who is the cause of all my cares.

Source: Aristophanes, The Clouds, The Athenian Society translation (The Eleven Comedies, Volume 1, Project Gutenberg #8688).

It runs under three minutes, with Strepsiades holding about 255 words to his son’s 140. The scene moves from pleading to explaining to threats: he tells his son that if he learns the false argument, his father won’t have to pay the debts, and when the boy refuses, he throws him out of the house. Phidippides’ want is simple, to keep his horses and his dignity, and he never wavers. That steadiness is what makes his father’s escalation funny.

The trap is to play Phidippides as a sulky teen. He’s a young aristocrat who thinks the people at that school are pale, barefoot quacks, and says so. Let him be amused by his father, not hurt, and Strepsiades has to work harder.

Strepsiades and Socrates: the entrance interview — any two actors

Strepsiades goes to school himself. In this scene Socrates sizes up his new student before letting him in. It starts on Socrates’ Come, tell me the kind of mind you have; ‘tis important I know this, that I may order my batteries against you in a new fashion. and ends on his But get in with you! What reason have you for thus dallying at the door? The middle will make any actor laugh:

SOCRATES: No. I only wish to ask you some questions. Have you any memory?

STREPSIADES: That depends: if anything is owed me, my memory is excellent, but if I owe, alas! I have none whatever.

SOCRATES: Have you a natural gift for speaking?

STREPSIADES: For speaking, no; for cheating, yes.

Source: Aristophanes, The Clouds, The Athenian Society translation (Project Gutenberg #8688).

It’s the shortest scene here, a little over two minutes, and the closest to an even split (about 160 words for Socrates, 145 for Strepsiades). That makes it a good first Aristophanes scene for a class. Socrates wants to test this hopeless old man; Strepsiades wants in, and answers every question with total honesty about how dishonest he is.

Play Socrates as a teacher who has seen a thousand bad students and expects nothing, and Strepsiades as a man who thinks he’s doing brilliantly. The joke about being “the image of Chaerephon” relies on a name; Phidippides has already mocked Chaerephon earlier in the play, so even if your audience doesn’t know the play, a quick sour look from Strepsiades carries it. If you want a second scene for the same pair, their first meeting, with Socrates hanging in a basket (Mortal, what do you want with me?), runs a little longer, under three minutes.

Lysistrata: the opening, with a cut for class — two women

Is Lysistrata appropriate for a school scene? Much of the play is not. Once the other women arrive, Lysistrata reveals that if they would compel their husbands to make peace, they must refuse them, and the jokes follow from there. But the opening, before anyone else comes, is a funny two-hander, and with one short cut it suits most classes. Check with your teacher before you bring it in.

Lysistrata has called the women to a meeting, and nobody has shown up except her neighbor Calonicé. It starts on Lysistrata’s Ah! if only they had been invited to a Bacchic revelling and ends on Calonicé’s Why, they should have flown here!

For class, cut the run of double meanings from Lysistrata’s About a big affair. through Calonicé’s It must be something mighty fine and subtle for you to have turned it about so! Lysistrata picks up mid-speech with it concerns a thing I have turned about and about this way and that of many sleepless nights, then drops So fine, and goes straight on to it means just this, Greece saved by the women! Here’s the heart of it:

LYSISTRATA: There is not a man will wield a lance against another ...

CALONICÉ: Quick, I will get me a yellow tunic from the dyer’s.

LYSISTRATA: ... or want a shield.

CALONICÉ: I’ll run and put on a flowing gown.

LYSISTRATA: ... or draw a sword.

CALONICÉ: I’ll haste and buy a pair of slippers this instant.

Source: Aristophanes, Lysistrata, The Athenian Society translation (Project Gutenberg #8688).

Uncut, it runs about three and a half minutes, with the parts close to even (about 265 words for Lysistrata, 225 for Calonicé); with the cut, it’s about three minutes. Lysistrata wants a partner in saving Greece; Calonicé wants to know what on earth her friend is talking about, and keeps getting the wrong idea. Her rush to buy tunics and slippers is the turn: she’s in before she understands the plan.

Don’t play Lysistrata as a lecturer. She’s been awake for nights with this idea and is bursting to tell someone. Calonicé isn’t dim either; she’s teasing, and her jokes about women being late and tricky are the ones Lysistrata has to talk past.

Rehearse it like a rally

These scenes live in the quick exchanges, so learn your lines as pairs, their cue then your answer, never as a list of your own words. If your partner isn’t free until the day before class, run the cues alone first so you arrive knowing the rhythm.

In Offbook, upload the scene in the Athenian Society text, choose your role, and realistic voices read the other part, then wait for your line before playing the next cue. As the video below shows, you can set how fast your partner reads and add a pause before any line, so start the volleys slow and speed them up each run until they snap like a comedy should.

• Mark each scene’s turn (the hoopoe’s By earth! by snares! by network!, Calonicé’s run to the dyer’s) and know what changes for your character there.
• Learn the long speeches as an argument in three or four steps, with a one-line summary for each step, then fill in the words.
• Count your share with our free script line counter. The first-letter memorizer turns your lines into first-letter cues for a final test.
• Time a full run with a stopwatch before you book a slot, and again after you cut any names.

For more two-person comedy from other periods, see our list of comedy scenes for two actors, and for the serious side of the Greek stage, our Greek tragedy scenes for two actors. Solo pieces for your next audition are in our monologue library.

Questions actors ask

Are there two-person scenes in Aristophanes?

Yes, plenty. The opening of The Birds is a duet between two friends lost in the wilderness, Pisthetaerus pitches his city to the hoopoe later in the same play, and The Clouds has Strepsiades with his son and Strepsiades with Socrates. Each runs between two and four minutes.

What Greek comedy scene works best for acting class?

Strepsiades and Socrates in The Clouds is a strong first choice: a little over two minutes, nearly even parts, and nothing that needs cutting. For two women, the opening of Lysistrata works with the short cut above.

Is Lysistrata appropriate for a school scene?

Most of the play is sexual comedy and not suited to a classroom. The opening exchange between Lysistrata and Calonicé, with the few lines of double meaning cut as noted above, suits most classes. Check with your teacher before you bring in any part of the play.

Which translation of Aristophanes is free to use?

The Athenian Society prose translation, The Eleven Comedies, is on Project Gutenberg in two volumes, both marked public domain in the USA. Modern translations are usually protected, so buy or borrow those. If you live outside the US, check your own country’s rules before copying any text.

Can I rehearse a Greek comedy scene without my partner?

Yes. Rehearse on your laptop with the full script on a big screen, and listen to your scenes on your phone anywhere. With Offbook, a voice reads your partner’s lines and waits for yours, so you can drill the fast exchanges before you ever meet.