Sheridan and Goldsmith Scenes for Two Actors: The School for Scandal, The Rivals, and She Stoops to Conquer

Your class has finished Shakespeare and Restoration comedy, and the next unit is “eighteenth century.” You and your partner know three titles: The School for Scandal, The Rivals, and She Stoops to Conquer. What you don’t know is which scenes are really for two people, which ones need a third actor standing by, and which will fit in the time you’re given.

These plays are better for duets than their reputation suggests. They’re built from fights between two people who need opposite things from the same conversation: a husband and a young wife, a father and a son who won’t marry, a niece and the aunt who locks her up. Many of their best stretches have exactly two people talking.

The short version: below are eleven two-person scenes from Sheridan’s The School for Scandal and The Rivals and Oliver Goldsmith’s She Stoops to Conquer. For each one you get the first and last lines, the game each side plays, how the words split, and about how long it runs, with a shorter cut where the full scene is long. For single speeches from Sheridan and the Restoration, see our guide to Restoration comedy monologues. Our list of comedy scenes for two actors already covers Marlow and Kate in Acts 2 and 3 and Mrs. Malaprop with Captain Absolute, so none of those are repeated here.

Pick the edition before you pick the scene

All three plays are in the public domain, and Project Gutenberg marks each of these editions “Public domain in the USA”: The School for Scandal, eBook 1929, The Rivals, eBook 24761, and She Stoops to Conquer, eBook 383. Every line quoted below was copied from those three texts.

The School for Scandal needs a warning. The Gutenberg edition prints Sheridan’s own handwritten manuscript, taken from Fraser Rae’s Sheridan’s Plays Now Printed as He Wrote Them, and its preface quotes Rae saying that version differs in many respects from the one generally known. It keeps Sheridan’s capital letters and dashes, with the editor’s suggestions in square brackets. Our free copy of The School for Scandal follows the more familiar printed text, so the same speech can read differently in each.

That matters more than it sounds. If you learn the manuscript and your partner learns the familiar text, your cues won’t match. Choose one, print it for both of you, and mark your cut in it. Do the same for the Goldsmith scenes: our copy of She Stoops to Conquer comes from a different edition than the Gutenberg text quoted here, so small details can differ. Whichever you choose, you and your partner should hold the same one.

A note on the times. We counted the spoken words in each scene, stage directions out, and divided by 140 words a minute, the pace our acting scripts use. Business and laughs add time, so a staged run will be longer. If you’re entering a competition, the International Thespian Excellence Awards acting rules define a duet as a performance for two players and cap it at five minutes.

The School for Scandal: three duets around one marriage

The comedy was first performed at Drury Lane on 8 May 1777, according to Wikipedia’s history of the play, which also notes that Sheridan kept revising it before and after that first night. Sir Peter Teazle, an old bachelor, has married a young wife from the country, and she’s taken to London spending and London gossip. Joseph Surface, who talks like a moralist, is trying to seduce her.

Sir Peter and Lady Teazle: the happiest couple (Act 3, Scene 1)

Their first quarrel, Act 2, Scene 1, is in our acting scripts. This is the second round. Sir Peter wishes he could tease her into loving him, and she comes in sweet as anything because she wants two hundred pounds. Start on her Lud! Sir Peter I hope you haven’t been quarrelling with Maria? They agree to be the happiest couple and never differ again, and within a minute they’re arguing about who always starts it.

SIR PETER: There now you want to quarrel again.

LADY TEAZLE: No--I am sure I don’t--but if you will be so peevish----

SIR PETER: There--now who begins first?

Source: Richard Brinsley Sheridan, The School for Scandal, Act 3, Scene 1, Project Gutenberg eBook 1929.

It ends on her exit line, so, bye! bye! hey--young Jockey try’d and countered. It’s about 6 minutes, close to even (Lady Teazle about 470 words, Sir Peter about 375). The game: each of them wants the other to admit being the one who’s difficult. The trick is that both are sincere about making up. For a 3 and a half minute cut, start at Sir Peter’s And you prophesied right.

Joseph Surface and Lady Teazle: before the screen (Act 4, Scene 3)

The famous screen scene is a crowd: Joseph, Lady Teazle, Sir Peter, Charles, and a servant. Inside it are two real duets. In the first, Lady Teazle visits Joseph’s library, and he tries to talk her into an affair by argument alone. Start on her What[!] Sentiment in soliloquy and end on his Then by this Hand, which He is unworthy of----, when the servant bursts in to announce Sir Peter.

It’s about 6 and a half minutes, nearly even (Lady Teazle about 490 words, Joseph about 450). Joseph’s case is a doctor’s: her reputation suffers from her innocence, so a small sin would cure it. Her answer is the best line in the scene: then I perceive your Prescription is that I must sin in my own Defence. She’s more amused than tempted. Play Joseph as completely reasonable, never as a villain who knows he is one. For a 3-minute cut, start at his But my dear Lady Teazle ‘tis your own fault if you suffer it.

Sir Peter and Joseph: the wife behind the screen (Act 4, Scene 3)

The second duet starts when Sir Peter walks in, with his wife hidden a few feet away. Run from Aye--ever improving himself!--Mr. Surface-- until the servant announces Charles. Sir Peter confides that his wife loves another man (he means Charles), and then reveals he’s drawn up deeds to give her money now and most of his fortune after his death. It’s about 7 minutes (Sir Peter about 590 words, Joseph about 430).

The game is Joseph’s. He has to look like the perfect friend while the woman behind the screen hears every word, and when Sir Peter brings up Maria, the heiress Joseph is really courting, he begs to talk about it another time. Lady Teazle never speaks, but she’s the reason the scene is funny, so agree with your teacher whether she’s played by a third actor or left to the audience’s imagination.

So is the screen scene too big for scene study? The whole thing, yes. Its last stretch alone, from the moment Charles is on his way up to the end, needs four actors and runs about 11 and a half minutes; it’s in our guide to four-person scenes from classic plays. But these two earlier stretches were made for two. In his essay for Red Bull Theater, Martin Meisel writes that the tableau this scene builds to virtually stopped the play on the first night. These two duets are where that payoff is set up.

The Rivals: fathers, aunts, and a coward in Bath

The Rivals was first performed at Covent Garden on 17 January 1775, and the first-night audience rejected it, according to Wikipedia. Sheridan withdrew it, reworked it in eleven days, and reopened on 28 January. In the preface printed in the Gutenberg edition, he admits that when he first gave it to the manager it was at least double the length of any acting comedy. Sheridan learned on that first night what length does to a comedy, so keep these scenes moving.

Sir Anthony and Captain Absolute: the wife (Act 2, Scene 1, and Act 3, Scene 1)

Jack Absolute is courting Lydia Languish in disguise, as a poor ensign called Beverley. His father, Sir Anthony, arrives in Bath with a fortune for him, and the fortune comes with a wife. Start on Jack’s Sir I am delighted to see you here; looking so well! and run to Sir Anthony’s exit. It’s about 8 minutes, and Sir Anthony has about 790 words to Jack’s 300.

ABSOLUTE: My wife, sir!

SIR ANTHONY: Ay, ay, settle that between you--settle that between you.

ABSOLUTE: A wife, sir, did you say?

SIR ANTHONY: Ay, a wife--why, did not I mention her before?

Source: Richard Brinsley Sheridan, The Rivals, Act 2, Scene 1, Project Gutenberg eBook 24761.

The game: Sir Anthony is sure he’s the calmest man alive, and every refusal makes him louder while he tells his son to be cool. Jack wants to stay polite and keep his secret. For a 3 and a half minute cut, start at Hark’ee, Jack;--I have heard you for some time with patience. Sir Anthony’s list of the bride’s ugly features includes an antisemitic insult. Cut that phrase; the speech is just as funny without it.

Act 3, Scene 1 is the mirror image, and the two make a pair. Jack has learned the bride is Lydia, the woman he loves, and comes back as a penitent son. Run from Sir Anthony’s Fellow, get out of my way! to their exit. It’s about 6 minutes (Sir Anthony about 465 words, Jack about 360). Now Sir Anthony rhapsodizes about Lydia’s eyes, cheeks, and lips, and Jack, faking indifference, asks And which is to be mine, sir, the niece, or the aunt? His aside, That’s she, indeed. Well done, old gentleman., is an aside, so Sir Anthony mustn’t hear it.

Mrs. Malaprop and Sir Anthony: what a woman should know (Act 1, Scene 2)

Here’s a scene for two older actors. Lydia has just been sent to her room, and her aunt and Sir Anthony settle what’s to be done with her. Start on Mrs. Malaprop’s There’s a little intricate hussy for you! and end on Sir Anthony’s exit, with his advice to let the servants forget her dinner for three or four days. It’s about 5 minutes, close to even (Sir Anthony about 365 words, Mrs. Malaprop about 310).

As Wikipedia puts it, she gave her name to malapropisms, and this scene has her long speech on education, the one that starts I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning. Before you rehearse it, write the right word above each wrong one: she probably means prodigy, not progeny, and orthography, not orthodoxy. Then say the wrong word with total confidence. Play Sir Anthony’s reply, that almost every third word you say is on my side of the question, as a straight compliment, and let the audience hear the joke.

Lydia and Julia: the letter she wrote herself (Act 1, Scene 2)

For two women, take the cousins’ reunion. Start on Lydia’s My dearest Julia, how delighted am I! and end on Nay, I do but jest.--What’s here?, when Lucy runs in. Lydia confesses she picked a fight with her lover by writing herself an anonymous letter, and sensible Julia defends her own jealous fiancé, Faulkland. It’s about 7 minutes (Lydia about 575 words, Julia about 400). For a shorter cut, start at But you have not heard the worst. That’s just under 5 minutes on paper, too tight for a five-minute competition slot.

The game: Lydia wants sympathy for a disaster she caused, and Julia keeps giving her good sense instead. Julia’s long speech about Faulkland is the turn, because she’s describing a difficult man and calling it love. Lydia’s answer flattens it: Obligation! why a water spaniel would have done as much! Don’t let Julia be the dull one. She’s defending something she isn’t sure of.

Acres and David: honour (Act 4, Scene 1)

Bob Acres, a country squire, has been talked into challenging a rival to a duel, and his servant David is trying to talk him out of it. The scene opens on David’s Then, by the mass, sir! I would do no such thing and ends when Acres throws him out as a croaking raven. It’s about 5 minutes, with David doing most of the talking (David about 515 words, Acres about 200). Near the end a servant announces Captain Absolute in one line; cut it, or have it read from offstage.

The game: Acres wants to feel brave, and David keeps describing exactly how he’ll die. David’s reasoning about honour, ending in my honour whips over to my enemy, is the speech to build toward. Acres has fewer words but the bigger job: his courage drains a little with every reply, and the audience should see it go while he insists he won’t be afraid.

She Stoops to Conquer: one house, mistaken for an inn

Goldsmith’s comedy, subtitled The Mistakes of a Night, opened at Covent Garden on 15 March 1773 and was immediately successful, according to Wikipedia. The same year, in An Essay on the Theatre, he complained that the sentimental comedy of his day tried to move audiences without real pathos. He wanted laughter back. Young Marlow is tricked into treating the Hardcastles’ house as an inn, and Kate Hardcastle lets him think she’s the barmaid.

Hardcastle and Kate: the agreement (Act 1)

A father tells his daughter he’s chosen her husband. Start on Hardcastle’s Blessings on my pretty innocence! and end on his exit to train the servants. It’s under 4 minutes (Hardcastle about 295 words, Kate about 225), so it fits a duet slot with room for laughs.

HARDCASTLE: Very generous.

MISS HARDCASTLE: I believe I shall like him.

HARDCASTLE: Young and brave.

MISS HARDCASTLE: I’m sure I shall like him.

Source: Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer, Act 1, Project Gutenberg eBook 383.

The game: Hardcastle lists Marlow’s virtues, and Kate’s hopes rise with each one. After “very handsome” she’s ready to have him, and then he adds, as the best news of all, that Marlow is one of the most bashful and reserved young fellows in all the world. Her Eh! you have frozen me to death again. needs a real drop. They love each other, so keep it light and quick.

Kate and Constance Neville: threatened with a lover (Act 1)

It follows straight on. Constance Neville, Mrs. Hardcastle’s niece and Kate’s friend, comes in, and Kate tells her the news: I have been threatened with a lover. Start on Kate’s I’m glad you’re come, Neville, my dear. and end on her “Would it were bed-time, and all were well.” It’s about 3 minutes (Constance about 240 words, Kate about 180), the shortest scene here, and a good first classical duet for two women.

The game is gossip as planning. Constance knows Marlow’s secret, that he’s shy with ladies and bold with women of another stamp, and Kate wants every detail. Then they swap to Constance’s own plot against Mrs. Hardcastle. Play it as two allies drawing up a battle plan, and pick up each cue before the last word lands.

Marlow and Kate: the poor relation (Act 4)

Marlow still thinks the house is an inn and Kate a barmaid. She tells him she’s a poor relation, and during the scene he finds out whose house he’s in. Start on her Let it be short, then. I’m in a hurry. and end on his Farewell. It’s about 4 minutes (Marlow about 345 words, Kate about 250).

The game: she wants him to stay, and he’s realizing he loves a girl he can’t marry. Both of them speak asides here. Marlow’s By Heaven! she weeps. comes after she only pretends to cry, and her Generous man! I now begin to admire him. is the moment she starts to fall for him. Mark every aside in your script and decide who it’s said to.

Make the wit land: asides, long sentences, quick cues

Georgian comedy fails in two ways. Actors slow down to show they understand the sentences, or they comment on the jokes. The characters don’t know they’re funny. Sir Anthony thinks he’s calm, Joseph thinks he’s being kind, Kate thinks her father is being cruel. Play the want at full strength and let the sentence carry the joke.

Dana Ivey, who played Mrs. Candour in Red Bull Theater’s 2016 production, told TheaterMania that learning Sheridan’s lines exactly as written, with the right emphasis, is kind of like music. She added that the play needs actors who can handle the language and the style. That means word-perfect, not close enough: the joke is often the last word of a long sentence.

• Find the last word. In a long speech, the point comes at the end: Sir Anthony’s I’ll unget you!, Lady Teazle’s in my own Defence. Keep your energy up through every clause until you get there.
• Breathe at the dashes. Sheridan’s manuscript dashes and Goldsmith’s broken sentences show where a thought changes. Use them as places to take air, not to stop.
• Treat an aside as a quick confidence. It goes to the audience or to yourself, and your partner freezes or carries on as if nothing was said. Agree which, and rehearse it.
• Pick up your cues. A pause before every reply kills a quarrel. Save your pauses for the turn, like the moment Lady Teazle says never differ again.
• Find the real word. Mrs. Malaprop’s errors only land if you know what she meant to say.
• Time your cut out loud twice, with the business in. Reading in your head is faster than playing it.

To see who has how many lines in a pasted scene, use our free script line counter. To drill the ends of your partner’s speeches, try the cue script maker, which gives you only your lines, each with the last words of the speech before it. For a classical speech to pair with a scene, our comedic monologues have more.

The picks at a glance

For a five-minute duet, the Hardcastle and Kate scene, Kate and Constance, Marlow and Kate in Act 4, and the cuts of the Teazle quarrel and the Sir Anthony scene fit with room for laughs. For more pairings by cast, see our lists of two-person scenes for two women and two-person scenes for two men.

Rehearse the scene before you meet your partner

These scenes live on speed, and you can’t practice speed by reading your own lines alone. Before you meet, agree on your edition and your cut, and mark both first lines and last lines in the same copy.

In Offbook, upload the scene from one of these texts and pick your part. Realistic voices read the other one, then wait while you say your line before cueing the next. As the video below shows, you can set how fast your partner talks, add a pause before a line, and have the scene move on after a few seconds of silence, so you practice keeping a quarrel moving when you dry.

When the words start to stick, hide your own lines while your partner’s stay on screen, or switch to first-letter cues for Sir Anthony’s tirades and Julia’s long speech. For a warm-up on a classic scene with no account, our free run lines online tool reads the other part and waits for you. Our guide on how to prepare a scene for acting class has the week-by-week plan.

Questions actors ask

What are good scenes from The School for Scandal for two actors?

Sir Peter and Lady Teazle’s two quarrels (Act 2, Scene 1 and Act 3, Scene 1), and the two duets inside the screen scene in Act 4, Scene 3: Joseph with Lady Teazle before Sir Peter arrives, and Joseph with Sir Peter while she hides. Use one edition for both partners, because the manuscript text and the familiar text differ.

Is the screen scene too big for scene study?

As a whole, yes: it needs four actors and a servant, and its last stretch alone runs about 11 and a half minutes. For two actors, take one of its earlier duets: Joseph and Lady Teazle (about 6 and a half minutes, with a 3-minute cut) or Sir Peter and Joseph (about 7).

What She Stoops to Conquer scene works for a man and a woman?

Marlow and Kate’s Act 4 scene, where she plays the poor relation, runs about 4 minutes. Hardcastle and Kate in Act 1 is a father and daughter scene under 4 minutes. Their better-known Act 2 and Act 3 meetings are in our list of comedy scenes for two actors.

How do you rehearse eighteenth-century comedy so the wit lands?

Learn it word-perfect, keep your energy to the end of each sentence, and pick up your cues fast. Mark every aside and decide where it goes. Then play what your character wants with total seriousness. The audience laughs at people who don’t know they’re funny.

Can I rehearse a Sheridan scene without my partner?

Yes. Rehearse on your laptop with the full script on a big screen, while Offbook’s voices read your partner’s lines and wait for yours. You can also listen to your scenes on your phone anywhere, which keeps your cues in your ear.